We have talked about everything before, but now, the Daniel Lem I knew since childhood became so simple, stronger, and more intellectual. Our monthly coffee date became something that I never imagined. We talked about family, something that has become such a touchy topic for me.
We never knew who our real parents are. We are from different birth mothers, but we only recognize one, our Mother, who had to go through tremendous hardships just to get us to where we are right now. In the course of our conversation, he told me something that I had never thought about, something that I don't have the courage to even say out loud. he talked about the possibility of us getting old and our parents going to somewhere more peaceful. I mean, it is a fact of life. People come and go. See, I can't even write the word, much more utter it. I haven't thought of going through life without my parents, my mom in particular. She has always been my strength, my beacon.
If people only knew how hard it is to live aside from your family, knowing that they are just a jeepney drive away. I chose to savor independence, and though it is really tough in the real world, I have to get away from my comfort zone - my family - and live on my own.
"I can't bear to think about Mama dying," he said.
"Then don't think about it," I replied.
I wanted to tell him that I am scared too, knowing that in a decade, or hopefully in 3 decades, my mom or dad would pass away to a better place. It made me sad just to know that that is a possibility.
It made me think of what I have now, of where I am, and it makes me want to be better in what I do. I pray that before that time comes, I could at least do something, or give something to the only woman I would ever love in my entire life.
I talked to her once, after a long while, after she left for Italy. I was glad to know that she was in her best health. I was actually happy that after 18 years in the land of gladiators and olive oil she finally toured Monaco, and has plans of going to Paris. I envy my Mom. I wish I could be her.
If there is one thing that I would remember until the day I die, it would be that one time when I held her hand and commented that she had rough hands, like me.
"These are beautiful hands," she said. "They are working hands."
I couldn't agree less, she had the most beautiful hands in the world. In those hands I was born and raised. Those hands made me who I am right now.
This is for all the moms in the world. You make the world a better place to live in. Without you nothing would be what they are.
I love you Ma, you are the sunshine of my life.
Happy Birthday.
