Shut Up and Drink Your Slimming Tea

God, can you make them stop???

A couple of days ago, the maintenance guys working at the building I was living at started to clean the pool that was left abandoned for the longest time. I haven't seen a drop of clean, chlorinated water in the pool since I have moved in, just garbage and rainwater that fills it up halfway.

"Gee," I wondered, maybe they just wanted to make everything shiny and new. I

was starting to think about my pool outfit.

Then, just yesterday, guys started bringing in big kleig lights. Were they having a photo shoot? A movie shoot?

Waking up last night, I saw that the entire pool was painted in graffiti. It was a commercial. And when I started fantasizing about actually being discovered as a commercial model and eventually starring along side my beloved Piolo Pascual, I realized it was a commercial for a slimming drink.

The words "L-CARNATINE" were painted all over one wall.

And so my dreams crumbled, and I cannot sleep because the actors cannot get their act right. The director kept on shouting "Retake!!!". Hay...

Can someone please, make them stop... :(

Prince Charming

The challenge is to keep yourself from falling.

"But no matter how hard you try not to, eventually, you are going to fall in love. So you have to go with the flow. Let the current take you wherever it goes. Sooner or later it would come back to where it originated."

It is a tried and tested method. For those who are asking what the hell I am talking about, let me tell you a short story about this lovely young lad that we are to call Leo.

♥♥♥

For years he has been searching for the true love's kiss. Fueled by Giselle's captivating song, about meeting Prince Charming, he has searched high and low for that special someone that will knock him off his feet. And no matter how many times he got hurt, he kept on searching for love. Until that one fateful night when Prince Charming indeed came, but with another prince in tow.

His heart, bleeding like the waterfall near their town, finally gave up. He knew he was never to fall in love again.

One day, after months of having senseless sexual affiliations with numerous lads around the glen, an old wise wizard came.

The wizard was bedazzled by the youth's uncanny beauty.

"I would like to love you," the wizard said.

"You can't," Leo said. "I cannot- and will never- fall in love ever again."

The wizard frowned, knowing he can never have the young lad, but being wise, gave him a few words of advise.

"Do not dwell in being alone for a long period of time. I have been there, and now that I would love to fall in love again, I am already irrevocably cynical about love," he said.

"I am happy where I am. At least I wouldn't be hurt anymore."

"Are you afraid to fall in love again?" the wizard asked.

"Yes." the young lad said.

"It is a challenge to keep yourself from falling in love with someone that makes you happy, especially if you see a lot of things about him that makes you come back for more."

Leo faced the wizard and cried, knowing that it is true.

"But no matter how hard you try not to, eventually, you are going to fall in love. So you have to go with the flow. Let the current take you wherever it goes. Sooner or later it would come back to where it originated."

With the final statement, the old wise wizard stood up and continued walking.

Leo was left alone, knowing what to do, and admitting that he is just afraid to fall in love again, he started to search again for his Prince Charming.

♥♥♥

Blah blah blah

It has been such a long time since the last time I got to write something. And guess what? Even while I am typing, I am actually having second thoughts in finishing this blog entry.

My life has been such a rollercoaster this past few weeks. There would be times when I would be so happy. Then there would be times when I am so down it would take more than just a joke to bring me back to life. But hey, we have to move forward, right?

Honestly, I have been thinking about life, in it's entirety. I am not getting any younger, and though I know that I have more up my sleeves, I am starting to give up. I am starting to think that this is where I'll end up in a few more years, alone and broke, living everyday until the next day - I more than pessimistic. I am a disaster.

Seeing other people around me happy always made me happy. But now, bitterness has surged into my veins like an awful poison, destroying the precious nerves that makes me feel. I am now numb from everything. Not even Kris Aquino's tears make me cry anymore - nor laugh.

What is happening to me? The mere question brings me to a boil, angry at the world that does not seem to care at all, whatever happens to me. I could drop dead in the middle of Ayala and everyone else would be walking past me, not knowing my name, not a care in the world.

Maybe, just maybe, there would be a time when this ramblings would end, but for now, when the rest of the world rests their weary feet, I continue walking. I think, if I would continue walking, life would just slip by, and maybe I would reach the end of my journey.

See, I can't even think of a better title for this entry. Hay buhay.

Uber Lesbo Moment

Before I start with this blog entry, I apologize for the blog title. i know some people might react, but let me tell you one thing - if you see Megan Fox, tell her I LOVE HER!!!

Megan Fox is someone I'd sleep with anytime. Sorry boys, if Megan Fox was in the room, you'd have to wait your turn.

I am TOTALLY lesbian right now. Just look at these pics!!!!





'Nuff said. I am officially a lesbian.

Sugar Overload

The minute I woke up that noon I knew I wanted to eat something sweet. However, true to my intentions of making my budget last till I get my first pay check, I decided I'd let go of my desires and just get on with the very spartanistic essentials.

So, Rei and I decided to head out to our "favorite" tapsilogan and just pig out on a medium sized fried pork, sunny side up egg and 2 cups of garlic rice - this has been our staple food since I started living here in Manila. After eating with much gusto (or just too fast cause I did not have any breakfast before going to bed), there is was again. I knew instantly that I wanted to eat some chocolate cookies, or pretzels. Deciding that it was just give a small hole on my pocket, we immediately headed to the nearest Mini-Stop.

There it was. A pint of heavenly ice cream, and much to Rei's delight, it was his favorite brand and flavor - Coffee Crumble. It was like a myth coming true, like Ibong Adarna na was rarely seen. Or the Himalayan Yeti, whose existence is still doubted and considered to be a myth, because of the rarity of it being seen.

Like a child, Rei pulled out the pint of ice cream from the freezer, and, just like a child, looked at it with awe. I knew instantly he'd buy it. And although he was also on a budget, like me, he wanted to splurge. It was a day after his birthday after all - sort of a post-birthday celebration, he said.

Once we got back to the apartment, we started digging in. It was, with no other words to describe it - heaven. I have not had any ice cream for as long as I could remember, and sitting at the living room, just talking about everything, puffing white smoke and eating cold, cold, ice cream, we were in nirvana.

After eating the pint of ice cream in a frenzy, we decided to sleep it out, we had work that night anyway, and we have to get a good "night's" rest.

Needless to say, the sugar laden ice cream gave us so much energy that we were not able to sleep that well for the rest of day. I woke up groggy, and my entire body aches.

I don't think I regret eating ice cream though. It was one of the few things that made me happy during my stay here in Manila. I remember, in college, I used to eat a whole pint of ice cream all by myself. This was during the time when I felt most alone in my life. This was also the period where I started developing my habit of stress eating. Now that I am more grown up, I could say that a few minutes with the company of one of my good friends - with his stories, cigarettes, good heart, and a pint of Coffee Crumble - makes life bearable.

I'd love to have another Sugar Overload moments like this. It makes me forget I miss home, even for just a little while.

Becks and the City: Part Deux

The first day of the fifth month of the year. Thousands of people around the Philippines flock to Manila for various reason.

Hundreds of people carry placards, asking the Filipino governent to oust the incumbent president to step down from her post. They hope that in any event that Her Excellence resigns from her position, the economy of this once great country improves.

Thousands of people bring resumes to job fairs, knowing that they are just one step in getting a better chance in life. These people get in queues, 4 copies of 1x1 pictures in hand, praying that by the end of the day they get a job that would drastically change their way of living.

One gay guy sits at his friends room, not doing anything, wondering what tomorow would bring.

It took me a quarter of a century to finally realize that I had to do something about my life. And now, I am here, at the Capital of the Philippines, joining generations of Filipino people who have braved the heat and pollution to get a bird's eye view of the real deal.

It has been a couple of days since I boarded that bus to Manila. And though I know I will have a very hectic Monday, I have tried to relax and just enjoy my stay at my friend's house.

I have not had any decent sleep since the first night. I have been tossing and turning on the bed i share with Rei, thinking - consciously and subconciously - about the start of my life here in Manila.

On my first day here, he toured me around the compound that would be my home for a month, and the amenities were very comfortable. A swimming pool and clubhouse a block away from our building, and a market place two blocks from the compound, makes it easier to live here.

I wonder if I would be able to get a domicile just like this, without hurting my budget. I know, I am a single gay guy with nothing to look after but myself. But then again, I want to be able to save enough money so that I can afford stuff for the house when my mom comes back to the Philippines for good.

I never really thought that I'd eventually work in Manila when I was young. I thought life in Baguio would be a breeze. But then again, with the worldwide recession and the lack of very rewarding job opportunities in Baguio, Manila started calling me again. It was like I was being drawn to a flame, like a moth. A couple of years ago, after resigning from my first call center job, I has serious thoughts of moving to Manila. Then the company I previously worked for opened up. I stayed there for more than 2 years, but within that period, I can still hear Manila's pleasures whispering in my ear, begging me to come.

And so here I am, eager to start working again, after a hiatus of more than a month.

The first day of the fifth month of the year brings with it a sense of longing for a lot of people - the dreams of being able to get through life. People hope of becoming better. They wish that they get a better chance in life. And as funny as it sounds, though a lot of people just realize this every time Labor Day comes, it is that one special day that makes us want to be better individuals.

The Courageous "Almost - Beauty Queen"

The recent Miss USA pageant has been supported by millions of Americans. And, here in the Philippines, though the competition does not directly affect our country in anyway, millions still tune in to their television sets to watch who will win the said pageant.

For the many years that I have worked with events, I have seen pageant backstages littered with gay people. The Event Coordinators are mostly gay. Make-up artists. Alalays. It would be an understatement if we say that gay people are the life of the beauty pageant. Without us, beauty pageants will just be a competition to see who makes most men drool.

I have great respect for Miss Carrie Prejean, the representative from the State of California for the recently concluded Miss USA, 2009. She voiced out her opinion about Gay Marriage. She did not hesitate to give her point of view, and this, in fact, makes her a really intelligent person.

But, though I have great respect for her, I believe it but right that the crown was given to someone else, to Miss North Carolina. Miss California's beliefs were aired out just when the entire country - and the entire world - has been eagerly waiting for the rights of Gay men to be recognized.

I am not for the United States of America, nor am I an American citizen, but I am a citizen of the world. I am a proud homosexual, and though I do not believe in marriage, I believe in the right of each and every person to choose who they want to love - straight or gay.

To Miss Prejean - I applaud your courage to speak out your beliefs, even when you know that your answer might cost you the crown. Your strength in answering a question about gay relationships from a famous gay man may have been one of the most courageous things that someone has ever done - in front of an audience and the entire world - but then again, you have to admit that you are not the only person living in this world. If you were gay you would also fight for what you believe in and what you want in your life.

Here is the video, watch it and let me know your thoughts.

Creative Juices

I am just a year after my first quarter of a century and I already feel like all the creative juices I once had flowing in veins have already dried up. Talk about Creative Menopause.

I have been dreaming of making - or even starring - in a film. An Indie Film, if you may. Ever since I watched my former boss passionately kiss a known Filipino Actor, I have dreamed of making my own name in the Filipino Film scene. Oh well.

I made a short clip with my friend, Piper, using my cellphone. It turned out to be good - it was, in my mind, a success. But when I started viewing it again, my finger had a mind of it's own and clicked delete. There. Without any fuss. I wondered what it would be like if it wasn't deleted from my phone's memory. "The public will survive," I thought. It was a half-hearted attempt to place my name beside Chito Rono and Soxie Topacio.

It was after I deleted the video that I realized that I have lost all my Creative senses. I have always been proud of being a Jack (or Jane) of all trades. I can cook, I can sew. I write novels. I create poems. I even tried to make a career out of event before. And yet, even if I have already started stuff, I end up sitting up on my bed, thinking how boring my life is.

I started this blog years ago, hoping that someday, some people would get a whiff of it and the blog would eventually end up in a magazine article, praising my prose, and my talent in writing. I have not given up that hope yet, but then again, without the "juice", I think I may eventually run out of ideas. A writer's blog.

It has been weeks since the last time that I found something I can actually write about. And now, here, I am writing about something that I might have lost. Talk about ironic.

I plan to create a beautiful living space once I get an apartment in Manila. Now I want to put my hands on interior decorating. Wow. I can't believe by writing this article, I would restart my passion of creating something beautiful.

I should write more often. It makes my brain work. It has been on "park" for almost two months.

Manila Girl

I am leaving Baguio.

These are the four words that I have dreamed of speaking ever since I tasted independence.

Every night, after I got the job at a company based in Makati, I have though about that sentence.

Over and over again.

This is it. I am finally leaving Baguio City.

I have lived my entire life in the Summer Capital of the Philippines. Except for the four years I spent in Pangasinan during college, I breathed in pine-scented air every morning. I cuddled my beloved pillow and stayed under the sheets to brave the cold climate. I have spent countless hours just staring out my bedroom window, gazing into the mountains covered in fog. I enjoyed my life in Baguio, but it has become boring - like Megan Mullaly's talk show.

It became stale a couple of years ago, but yet I decided to stay because I was not yet ready.

A friend once told me that I had great potential, and that going to Manila would make me a better individual.

It took me almost a decade to finally realize that I have to get out of my comfort zone and expand my horizon.

Manila, the capital of the Philippines, is a business, fashion, and social hub. I have been in Manila, of course, staying there for days, trying to blend in, trying to learn the culture. I know, when I leave for Manila, I will be missing everything here in Baguio.

I will miss my friends.

I will miss my bed.

I will miss the cold days and even colder nights.

But hey, a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do, right?

By the time I create the next blog entry, I hopefully would already be in Manila. I can't wait to start another chapter in my life.

Manila, here I come!

Got (Harvey) Milk?

Milk, a film about Supervisor Harvey Milk, a gay rights activist in the 1970's, has inspired thousands of gay men and women in the United States of America, and the entire world. He has shown that being gay is, in fact, not an illness, but a choice.

I have, in many ways, struggled with my choice of being an all out homosexual. A lot of people still do not understand that my choice of lifestyle does not, in anyway, hinder my way of living. I still breathe the same air that everyone breathes in. I still eat when hungry and drink when I am thirsty. I love with the same passion a straight man feels with a straight woman. The only difference is, I decided - a long time ago- to love other men.

After watching the film about the life of Supervisor Milk, I was inspired to make a difference in the world, starting with myself. When I started making friends, I made sure that they knew exactly who I was. No ifs, no buts. No pretensions. But now I realize that is not enough to make friends. What needs to be done is to make sure that they understand why I act this way, why I am who I am right now. 39 years ago, gay men aroun the world were struggling to get accepted in the society that they are living in. Today, here, in the Patriarchal Society of the Philippines, more and more people start to accept the fact that the gay community is not just a bunch of hairdressers making people pretty. We are doctors, nurses, teachers, writers, editors and engineers.

We are an entirely different race - still human but possessing extraordinary talents and skills to match those who have, in many ways, discriminated our existence.

I never had any regrets about who I was, and with that self acceptance, I managed to preserve who I really am, and my sense of dignity.

This is for Harvey Milk, and the people who have strived so hard to let us live that way that we are right now.

This is for the people who have accepted the fact they we, just like them, have lives that we continue to live.

This is for the gay men, and women, who still believes that someday, we can have the freedom to be who we want to be.

All we need is to be united, and to remember that we are who we are.

No ifs, no buts, no pretensions.