Life is unfair. Everybody knows that. But what's unfair is that the truth that you can never have everything you have ever wanted in your life.
I am in a dark place right now, after a long while I am back to where I have tried not be at. When my former lover told me that he had found someone else I didn't even feel any remorse. I was at peace. But right now, when I am beginning to love again, I am in deep sh*t.
Truth is, I am bringing this on to myself. I am looking for something that I can never have, someone who cannot love me back. I am in paranoia, the one that makes you think everyone is ganging up on you. I am afraid that somewhere in the near future, before I die, I would really be alone, with everyone having someone else, and me left alone in an unforgiving cold tundra, waiting for the sun to set.
I am not at ease, my feet are tired but I long to feel the pain. I can not breathe because I am forcing myself to stay underwater, for fear that when I get out of the tides I will disintegrate into
nothingness. I want to be alive, even when it hurts.
I wanted to die before, to just ease my pains, and let everyone mourn of loss. But I guess no one will be there at my wake, so I'll just stay alive. At least even if it hurts me to see all the people around me getting along just fine, I know I still have the chances of changing my life.
Nothing is constant but change, another proverb. To me the only thing that doesn't change is the need to go on, to face obstacles and fight for the right to live.
If you are reading this and you are happy, embrace happiness, never let go. If you are not, happiness is just a state of mind.
I will be ok. I can never let myself down.
