Sad Songs

I have made the most difficult decision in my life so far.

I chose to be the Devil's Advocate. I needed to do it for my well being.

Now, as my pain starts and I ponder on what to do next, I wonder how I would make my first step.

The last time I felt this pain, I decided to quit everything. I left Baguio and although I looked back occasionally, I chose to stay where I am today.

Now, I am stuck. A house full of memories, good and bad. Work that I have grown to love so much. Friends that I have promised to be with for the rest of my life.

It is so unfortunate that I let it escalate to this. I had  lot of chances to let go of this relationship before, but I wanted to punish myself. The pain and longing I felt everyday just got bigger and bigger. And now I do not have anything left but anger. Anger that I cannot contain, yet I have to since there is nothing else to do.

Patience is a virtue, they say. Time heals all wounds. 

I just pray that his wounds heal faster. At least I know I am strong and that I can get through all of this.

I just want to say sorry. Sorry for making you believe that this is a fairy tale. Sorry for letting you rest on what you thought was the safest place on earth. Sorry I hurt you this way. I have to let you go.
'
I have always asked this question whenever I encounter people who are heartbroken or sad: "Why do we always hear sad songs when we are sad?" The supposed answer is "because we refuse to hear sad songs when we are happy."

But it is not the real answer, now that I am in this situation.

I hear sad songs now because, at the back of mind, I know someday I will be ok again.