For Ben

It was one fateful July night. Or was it June? I can't remember. What I remembered was that you approached me and asked me where to get a nose ring - just like mine.

The nose ring was faux, I didn't even have a nose piercing. I just wanted to make a statement. And you noticed. I was touched.

Just like previous encounters, I forgot about you. Until you came back.

It was almost a year after that fateful encounter. You came back and you had to remind me how we met. I didn't remember, but I pretened I did. What I remembered was that I was wearing that fabulous faux nose ring. And that for one night, I was happier than usual, dancing on top of the chairs at our favorite bar. That was what I remembered.

Now, 2 years after, when I want to forget, I can't. I keep coming back to the times when I saw you almost everyday. I keep coming back to the glorious stupidity that I brought on to myself. Do I regret any of these? No.

I have prayed, begged, and wished that you were mine, and yet not even a thousand coins thrown at a wishing well would change the fact that I am, in fact, just someone who came to your life - unexpectedly and uninvited.

I am writing this, after almost 3 years from that fateful night I first met you.

The tear dropped from my eye, to my cheek, and I felt pity. For myself. For you. For anyone who is looking for love and finding something that might be it - only to find out that it never is, and will never will.

I never thanked you for everything you have done for me. I guess now is the time.

Thank you for making me realize that I am more than what I perceive myself to be. You made me realize that I am who I am, and I do not have to change for anyone else in the world.

Salamat Ben. Salamat sa lahat.