Creative Juices

I am just a year after my first quarter of a century and I already feel like all the creative juices I once had flowing in veins have already dried up. Talk about Creative Menopause.

I have been dreaming of making - or even starring - in a film. An Indie Film, if you may. Ever since I watched my former boss passionately kiss a known Filipino Actor, I have dreamed of making my own name in the Filipino Film scene. Oh well.

I made a short clip with my friend, Piper, using my cellphone. It turned out to be good - it was, in my mind, a success. But when I started viewing it again, my finger had a mind of it's own and clicked delete. There. Without any fuss. I wondered what it would be like if it wasn't deleted from my phone's memory. "The public will survive," I thought. It was a half-hearted attempt to place my name beside Chito Rono and Soxie Topacio.

It was after I deleted the video that I realized that I have lost all my Creative senses. I have always been proud of being a Jack (or Jane) of all trades. I can cook, I can sew. I write novels. I create poems. I even tried to make a career out of event before. And yet, even if I have already started stuff, I end up sitting up on my bed, thinking how boring my life is.

I started this blog years ago, hoping that someday, some people would get a whiff of it and the blog would eventually end up in a magazine article, praising my prose, and my talent in writing. I have not given up that hope yet, but then again, without the "juice", I think I may eventually run out of ideas. A writer's blog.

It has been weeks since the last time that I found something I can actually write about. And now, here, I am writing about something that I might have lost. Talk about ironic.

I plan to create a beautiful living space once I get an apartment in Manila. Now I want to put my hands on interior decorating. Wow. I can't believe by writing this article, I would restart my passion of creating something beautiful.

I should write more often. It makes my brain work. It has been on "park" for almost two months.