Going Straight

Once you've joined the bandwagon, there is no turning back.

That's what I have always believed in. Realizing I was gay in the 3rd gay, it does count that I have reasons why I'd like to believe that. However, because of a recent event that rocked my belief to the core, I tend to ask a question: Is it really that possible to join the "other side" when you have been on "this side" for the longest time?

It is one of the nightmares a straight woman would never dream of having- learning your "better" half turns out to be gay. I have asked a friend about that before.

"What if you learned your lover was gay?" I asked, curious about what the "no-so-opposite" sex thought.

"I'd die" she said. "I'd die then die again."

A close friend once told me a story about finding out her lover was gay. She told me her ex-lover did not admit he was. He just thought it was silly. She thought it was silly too. Until she found her ex in bed, with another man.

Maybe it's because I have cursed the label "hopeless romantic" already. Or maybe it is the fact that I don't think I would be happy living a lie. But I really don't think it would work. Call me pessimistic. I don't think a "straight-woman-gay-man" scenario would work.

Not unless both parties know ALL about the other person. And that would require a lot of courage, not to mention denial.

Do not get me wrong, I think in love, nothing is impossible. There are no barriers in loving someone, not even any if's or but's. Everything is fair in war and love.

That is where the real question lies. I am confused, can a real woman really love someone, knowing that the person she loves may love someone else, someone that has something she could never have? Can a gay man actually love a woman, with all his heart, without looking at the man at the next line, realizing that he has rock hard abs?

Okay, it is not a question on loving someone. It all boils down to one thing - being able to remain faithful no matter what temptation comes. Now that's something we really should think of.

To my friend, who have found real love in an unexpected situation - at least for me - I am happy for you. You have found love, something that I have been looking for for my entire life. In a way, I envy you, because someone has accepted you for who you are. I just wish that even if everything changes, you would remain the same person I have known for a while.

Congratulation, you have now gone straight.