Pain

Pain. Everybody goes through them. Physically, every time someone experiences any illness, a common headache perhaps, we are assured that sooner or later it will go away. But emotionally - ah - it is fact that it will never go away that easily. In fact, it may never be a bright sunshiny day for some of us.

I have heard a song so many times before. In fact, I have memorized most of the lines myself. It has been one of my favorites, the first song I have ever saved in my MP3 player, and it is still there. I have tried my best not to hear the song, listen, yes, but hear? It pains me that somewhere, a long time ago, I sang the song in front of someone I have loved for the longest time. It was a song I have lovingly dedicated to the one person that made me think ok my future with. The song was full of hope, full of earnest patience. In the future, we will all have better days, it said. And in order to be in a better life, one should get through the night.

It was a busy night last night. I had a lot of work to do, things thought about. The player was silently playing in the corner of the office, to give comfort to those who would like to have a break in the middle of the shift. Then there is was, the song. My best pal, who sat next to me, told me about her conversation with the person I dedicated the song to.

"He said 'This is Chaz' song.'" She said.

I was surprised. How could one song make me want to cry, again, after a couple of days that I haven't thought about him? Was it because that song was heartfelt-fully sung in front of an eager crowd? Was is because in a way, he felt what I felt when I sang that song? Or was it because he knew that I am still hurt with the situation that we are both in. I wondered, aloud, to my best pal, about being able to get through the pain I have been going through.

Funny to think that I have gotten over it. I thought I was. But that song brought me back to my senses. I could never really get through this. If there are any closures to make, it would be with my feelings, my emotions.

I thought I already made amends with myself. But I was wrong.

Pain.

Everybody goes through them.

Physically, like breaking a bone, it would go away, with a strong 500 mg pain reliever pill and a short period of time. But emotionally, like having your heart broken, can take a long while to heal.

I am still hoping for better days.

I will make it through the night.