The Long, Lonely Road to Him

So there I was, in the midst of 3rd class hotels and videoke joints frequented by old, drunk farts, inside a chessy drag show bar. A nice, old but goodlooking drag queen starting lipsynching to a song I haven't heard for a while. It was a poem I was trying to tell him. I am loving again, and I wanted him to know that he was who I wanted to love, forever.

It was the second night. Everybody came to the office on Sunday, when it all begun. The news was welcomed with mixed emotions. Many dreaded that day. I looked forward to it. The fact that our job was in jeopardy did not compare to the excitement I felt. This was what I was waiting for. Rest, at last. The past few weeks after the promotion was tiring, I needed space.

When our Manager OIC told us that we needed to take leaves - forced leaves - I looked at my dear friend, Di Anne, and told her that this was it, that this was what we were looking for. We immediately planned for a much-deserved relaxation "thingie", and we decided to take a visit to Asin, a popular Hot Spring Resort center around 20 minutes away from the heart of Baguio City.

We rode a jeep to Asin, just the two of us, and enjoyed a whole day of just swimming and basking in the sun while submerged in warm, inviting jacuzzis. It was heaven. Pure bliss.

It was day 1, and we planned that by day 4 we would be sitting on a sidewalk at Session Road begging for food. The plan turned around. At 12:00 am, we found ourselves sitting on Ben's car, to Manila, after he had invited us to come with him to the Big City.

Arriving at Makati at around 5 a.m., we had coffee at the only Starbuck's which had a room for smokers, at Legaspi. That was after a warm, sweaty walk looking for an open Starbucks around the Harbour, Baywalk, and Malate.

Coffee finally ended and we found ourselves at a hotel along Makati Avenue. We slept for a couple of hours and had late dinner at Hai, a restaurant near Highstreet, near the Fort. It was Chinese food, and we loved it. We met new friends, and I introduced her to MamaBelz, and Zenos, Ben's friends way back from Elementary and College, part of Casa Guapa.

After a walk at Highstreet, Nath called us, telling us that we had to go back to Baguio, because operations will start the next day. So after that call we decided to ride MamaBel'z car to Cubao and visit Palawan. We danced the night away, after the drag queens showed us what they got. It was the end of the 2nd day.

Di Anne's departure was dramatic, to say the least. She was crying, thanking me and Ben for a wonderful time. It was her first "wala lang" visit to Manila, and I was glad to be part of it.

That night, before I went to bed, I asked a question so innocent, I thought the answer was the only way to my salvation. It was the end of everything. It was the end of my life.

He answered my question with honesty, something I have always expected in our friendship. what I didn't expect was the intensity of pain I was going to feel.

I slept crying, not knowing what to do. I wanted to go back to my heaven, to Baguio, where everything seems to be alright. But I fought that feeling.

When I woke up, I decided to stay, even for just a few hours. I wanted to be with him, to savor the moment that we were alone, together.

That day became the longest and loneliest day I have ever had, like the car drive from Kanlaon to the Bus Station at Pasay. I wanted to jump out of the car, to wave for a cab and get on the earliest bus.

It was 6:00 pm of day 3 when I got on the bus back to Baguio. There, he stood, with the person he loves, my bestfriend. Inside the bus was me, the man that loved him even if it hurt me like hell.

I slept all the way to Baguio. Except for the ocassional cigarette breaks on bus stops, I remained on my seat, trying to fight the tears that wanted to come out.

Baguio City was the same. Cold, foggy, like I left it a couple of days ago. And when I saw the familiar roads and street lights, I sighed. I was back home - back to where I belong.

I rode a cab home and immediately laid down on my own bed, in my leased apartment. I closed my eyes and remained calm. It was the end of a very long struggle.

It was the end of the long, lonely road to him.