Minor?!

Saturday morning, after work:

Buying a pack of death sticks, the old man asked how old I was.

Stunned, I was not able to reply to his question.

Then, he asked again.

"Ilang taon ka na?"

Desperately salivating over a stick of menthols, I woke up and realized the man thought I was a minor.

"27." I replied.

Charot man o hindi, he made my day.

Sarap maging minor. HAHAHA.

Shut Up and Drink Your Slimming Tea

God, can you make them stop???

A couple of days ago, the maintenance guys working at the building I was living at started to clean the pool that was left abandoned for the longest time. I haven't seen a drop of clean, chlorinated water in the pool since I have moved in, just garbage and rainwater that fills it up halfway.

"Gee," I wondered, maybe they just wanted to make everything shiny and new. I

was starting to think about my pool outfit.

Then, just yesterday, guys started bringing in big kleig lights. Were they having a photo shoot? A movie shoot?

Waking up last night, I saw that the entire pool was painted in graffiti. It was a commercial. And when I started fantasizing about actually being discovered as a commercial model and eventually starring along side my beloved Piolo Pascual, I realized it was a commercial for a slimming drink.

The words "L-CARNATINE" were painted all over one wall.

And so my dreams crumbled, and I cannot sleep because the actors cannot get their act right. The director kept on shouting "Retake!!!". Hay...

Can someone please, make them stop... :(

Prince Charming

The challenge is to keep yourself from falling.

"But no matter how hard you try not to, eventually, you are going to fall in love. So you have to go with the flow. Let the current take you wherever it goes. Sooner or later it would come back to where it originated."

It is a tried and tested method. For those who are asking what the hell I am talking about, let me tell you a short story about this lovely young lad that we are to call Leo.

♥♥♥

For years he has been searching for the true love's kiss. Fueled by Giselle's captivating song, about meeting Prince Charming, he has searched high and low for that special someone that will knock him off his feet. And no matter how many times he got hurt, he kept on searching for love. Until that one fateful night when Prince Charming indeed came, but with another prince in tow.

His heart, bleeding like the waterfall near their town, finally gave up. He knew he was never to fall in love again.

One day, after months of having senseless sexual affiliations with numerous lads around the glen, an old wise wizard came.

The wizard was bedazzled by the youth's uncanny beauty.

"I would like to love you," the wizard said.

"You can't," Leo said. "I cannot- and will never- fall in love ever again."

The wizard frowned, knowing he can never have the young lad, but being wise, gave him a few words of advise.

"Do not dwell in being alone for a long period of time. I have been there, and now that I would love to fall in love again, I am already irrevocably cynical about love," he said.

"I am happy where I am. At least I wouldn't be hurt anymore."

"Are you afraid to fall in love again?" the wizard asked.

"Yes." the young lad said.

"It is a challenge to keep yourself from falling in love with someone that makes you happy, especially if you see a lot of things about him that makes you come back for more."

Leo faced the wizard and cried, knowing that it is true.

"But no matter how hard you try not to, eventually, you are going to fall in love. So you have to go with the flow. Let the current take you wherever it goes. Sooner or later it would come back to where it originated."

With the final statement, the old wise wizard stood up and continued walking.

Leo was left alone, knowing what to do, and admitting that he is just afraid to fall in love again, he started to search again for his Prince Charming.

♥♥♥

Blah blah blah

It has been such a long time since the last time I got to write something. And guess what? Even while I am typing, I am actually having second thoughts in finishing this blog entry.

My life has been such a rollercoaster this past few weeks. There would be times when I would be so happy. Then there would be times when I am so down it would take more than just a joke to bring me back to life. But hey, we have to move forward, right?

Honestly, I have been thinking about life, in it's entirety. I am not getting any younger, and though I know that I have more up my sleeves, I am starting to give up. I am starting to think that this is where I'll end up in a few more years, alone and broke, living everyday until the next day - I more than pessimistic. I am a disaster.

Seeing other people around me happy always made me happy. But now, bitterness has surged into my veins like an awful poison, destroying the precious nerves that makes me feel. I am now numb from everything. Not even Kris Aquino's tears make me cry anymore - nor laugh.

What is happening to me? The mere question brings me to a boil, angry at the world that does not seem to care at all, whatever happens to me. I could drop dead in the middle of Ayala and everyone else would be walking past me, not knowing my name, not a care in the world.

Maybe, just maybe, there would be a time when this ramblings would end, but for now, when the rest of the world rests their weary feet, I continue walking. I think, if I would continue walking, life would just slip by, and maybe I would reach the end of my journey.

See, I can't even think of a better title for this entry. Hay buhay.

Uber Lesbo Moment

Before I start with this blog entry, I apologize for the blog title. i know some people might react, but let me tell you one thing - if you see Megan Fox, tell her I LOVE HER!!!

Megan Fox is someone I'd sleep with anytime. Sorry boys, if Megan Fox was in the room, you'd have to wait your turn.

I am TOTALLY lesbian right now. Just look at these pics!!!!





'Nuff said. I am officially a lesbian.

Sugar Overload

The minute I woke up that noon I knew I wanted to eat something sweet. However, true to my intentions of making my budget last till I get my first pay check, I decided I'd let go of my desires and just get on with the very spartanistic essentials.

So, Rei and I decided to head out to our "favorite" tapsilogan and just pig out on a medium sized fried pork, sunny side up egg and 2 cups of garlic rice - this has been our staple food since I started living here in Manila. After eating with much gusto (or just too fast cause I did not have any breakfast before going to bed), there is was again. I knew instantly that I wanted to eat some chocolate cookies, or pretzels. Deciding that it was just give a small hole on my pocket, we immediately headed to the nearest Mini-Stop.

There it was. A pint of heavenly ice cream, and much to Rei's delight, it was his favorite brand and flavor - Coffee Crumble. It was like a myth coming true, like Ibong Adarna na was rarely seen. Or the Himalayan Yeti, whose existence is still doubted and considered to be a myth, because of the rarity of it being seen.

Like a child, Rei pulled out the pint of ice cream from the freezer, and, just like a child, looked at it with awe. I knew instantly he'd buy it. And although he was also on a budget, like me, he wanted to splurge. It was a day after his birthday after all - sort of a post-birthday celebration, he said.

Once we got back to the apartment, we started digging in. It was, with no other words to describe it - heaven. I have not had any ice cream for as long as I could remember, and sitting at the living room, just talking about everything, puffing white smoke and eating cold, cold, ice cream, we were in nirvana.

After eating the pint of ice cream in a frenzy, we decided to sleep it out, we had work that night anyway, and we have to get a good "night's" rest.

Needless to say, the sugar laden ice cream gave us so much energy that we were not able to sleep that well for the rest of day. I woke up groggy, and my entire body aches.

I don't think I regret eating ice cream though. It was one of the few things that made me happy during my stay here in Manila. I remember, in college, I used to eat a whole pint of ice cream all by myself. This was during the time when I felt most alone in my life. This was also the period where I started developing my habit of stress eating. Now that I am more grown up, I could say that a few minutes with the company of one of my good friends - with his stories, cigarettes, good heart, and a pint of Coffee Crumble - makes life bearable.

I'd love to have another Sugar Overload moments like this. It makes me forget I miss home, even for just a little while.

Becks and the City: Part Deux

The first day of the fifth month of the year. Thousands of people around the Philippines flock to Manila for various reason.

Hundreds of people carry placards, asking the Filipino governent to oust the incumbent president to step down from her post. They hope that in any event that Her Excellence resigns from her position, the economy of this once great country improves.

Thousands of people bring resumes to job fairs, knowing that they are just one step in getting a better chance in life. These people get in queues, 4 copies of 1x1 pictures in hand, praying that by the end of the day they get a job that would drastically change their way of living.

One gay guy sits at his friends room, not doing anything, wondering what tomorow would bring.

It took me a quarter of a century to finally realize that I had to do something about my life. And now, I am here, at the Capital of the Philippines, joining generations of Filipino people who have braved the heat and pollution to get a bird's eye view of the real deal.

It has been a couple of days since I boarded that bus to Manila. And though I know I will have a very hectic Monday, I have tried to relax and just enjoy my stay at my friend's house.

I have not had any decent sleep since the first night. I have been tossing and turning on the bed i share with Rei, thinking - consciously and subconciously - about the start of my life here in Manila.

On my first day here, he toured me around the compound that would be my home for a month, and the amenities were very comfortable. A swimming pool and clubhouse a block away from our building, and a market place two blocks from the compound, makes it easier to live here.

I wonder if I would be able to get a domicile just like this, without hurting my budget. I know, I am a single gay guy with nothing to look after but myself. But then again, I want to be able to save enough money so that I can afford stuff for the house when my mom comes back to the Philippines for good.

I never really thought that I'd eventually work in Manila when I was young. I thought life in Baguio would be a breeze. But then again, with the worldwide recession and the lack of very rewarding job opportunities in Baguio, Manila started calling me again. It was like I was being drawn to a flame, like a moth. A couple of years ago, after resigning from my first call center job, I has serious thoughts of moving to Manila. Then the company I previously worked for opened up. I stayed there for more than 2 years, but within that period, I can still hear Manila's pleasures whispering in my ear, begging me to come.

And so here I am, eager to start working again, after a hiatus of more than a month.

The first day of the fifth month of the year brings with it a sense of longing for a lot of people - the dreams of being able to get through life. People hope of becoming better. They wish that they get a better chance in life. And as funny as it sounds, though a lot of people just realize this every time Labor Day comes, it is that one special day that makes us want to be better individuals.

The Courageous "Almost - Beauty Queen"

The recent Miss USA pageant has been supported by millions of Americans. And, here in the Philippines, though the competition does not directly affect our country in anyway, millions still tune in to their television sets to watch who will win the said pageant.

For the many years that I have worked with events, I have seen pageant backstages littered with gay people. The Event Coordinators are mostly gay. Make-up artists. Alalays. It would be an understatement if we say that gay people are the life of the beauty pageant. Without us, beauty pageants will just be a competition to see who makes most men drool.

I have great respect for Miss Carrie Prejean, the representative from the State of California for the recently concluded Miss USA, 2009. She voiced out her opinion about Gay Marriage. She did not hesitate to give her point of view, and this, in fact, makes her a really intelligent person.

But, though I have great respect for her, I believe it but right that the crown was given to someone else, to Miss North Carolina. Miss California's beliefs were aired out just when the entire country - and the entire world - has been eagerly waiting for the rights of Gay men to be recognized.

I am not for the United States of America, nor am I an American citizen, but I am a citizen of the world. I am a proud homosexual, and though I do not believe in marriage, I believe in the right of each and every person to choose who they want to love - straight or gay.

To Miss Prejean - I applaud your courage to speak out your beliefs, even when you know that your answer might cost you the crown. Your strength in answering a question about gay relationships from a famous gay man may have been one of the most courageous things that someone has ever done - in front of an audience and the entire world - but then again, you have to admit that you are not the only person living in this world. If you were gay you would also fight for what you believe in and what you want in your life.

Here is the video, watch it and let me know your thoughts.

Creative Juices

I am just a year after my first quarter of a century and I already feel like all the creative juices I once had flowing in veins have already dried up. Talk about Creative Menopause.

I have been dreaming of making - or even starring - in a film. An Indie Film, if you may. Ever since I watched my former boss passionately kiss a known Filipino Actor, I have dreamed of making my own name in the Filipino Film scene. Oh well.

I made a short clip with my friend, Piper, using my cellphone. It turned out to be good - it was, in my mind, a success. But when I started viewing it again, my finger had a mind of it's own and clicked delete. There. Without any fuss. I wondered what it would be like if it wasn't deleted from my phone's memory. "The public will survive," I thought. It was a half-hearted attempt to place my name beside Chito Rono and Soxie Topacio.

It was after I deleted the video that I realized that I have lost all my Creative senses. I have always been proud of being a Jack (or Jane) of all trades. I can cook, I can sew. I write novels. I create poems. I even tried to make a career out of event before. And yet, even if I have already started stuff, I end up sitting up on my bed, thinking how boring my life is.

I started this blog years ago, hoping that someday, some people would get a whiff of it and the blog would eventually end up in a magazine article, praising my prose, and my talent in writing. I have not given up that hope yet, but then again, without the "juice", I think I may eventually run out of ideas. A writer's blog.

It has been weeks since the last time that I found something I can actually write about. And now, here, I am writing about something that I might have lost. Talk about ironic.

I plan to create a beautiful living space once I get an apartment in Manila. Now I want to put my hands on interior decorating. Wow. I can't believe by writing this article, I would restart my passion of creating something beautiful.

I should write more often. It makes my brain work. It has been on "park" for almost two months.

Manila Girl

I am leaving Baguio.

These are the four words that I have dreamed of speaking ever since I tasted independence.

Every night, after I got the job at a company based in Makati, I have though about that sentence.

Over and over again.

This is it. I am finally leaving Baguio City.

I have lived my entire life in the Summer Capital of the Philippines. Except for the four years I spent in Pangasinan during college, I breathed in pine-scented air every morning. I cuddled my beloved pillow and stayed under the sheets to brave the cold climate. I have spent countless hours just staring out my bedroom window, gazing into the mountains covered in fog. I enjoyed my life in Baguio, but it has become boring - like Megan Mullaly's talk show.

It became stale a couple of years ago, but yet I decided to stay because I was not yet ready.

A friend once told me that I had great potential, and that going to Manila would make me a better individual.

It took me almost a decade to finally realize that I have to get out of my comfort zone and expand my horizon.

Manila, the capital of the Philippines, is a business, fashion, and social hub. I have been in Manila, of course, staying there for days, trying to blend in, trying to learn the culture. I know, when I leave for Manila, I will be missing everything here in Baguio.

I will miss my friends.

I will miss my bed.

I will miss the cold days and even colder nights.

But hey, a girl has got to do what a girl has got to do, right?

By the time I create the next blog entry, I hopefully would already be in Manila. I can't wait to start another chapter in my life.

Manila, here I come!

Got (Harvey) Milk?

Milk, a film about Supervisor Harvey Milk, a gay rights activist in the 1970's, has inspired thousands of gay men and women in the United States of America, and the entire world. He has shown that being gay is, in fact, not an illness, but a choice.

I have, in many ways, struggled with my choice of being an all out homosexual. A lot of people still do not understand that my choice of lifestyle does not, in anyway, hinder my way of living. I still breathe the same air that everyone breathes in. I still eat when hungry and drink when I am thirsty. I love with the same passion a straight man feels with a straight woman. The only difference is, I decided - a long time ago- to love other men.

After watching the film about the life of Supervisor Milk, I was inspired to make a difference in the world, starting with myself. When I started making friends, I made sure that they knew exactly who I was. No ifs, no buts. No pretensions. But now I realize that is not enough to make friends. What needs to be done is to make sure that they understand why I act this way, why I am who I am right now. 39 years ago, gay men aroun the world were struggling to get accepted in the society that they are living in. Today, here, in the Patriarchal Society of the Philippines, more and more people start to accept the fact that the gay community is not just a bunch of hairdressers making people pretty. We are doctors, nurses, teachers, writers, editors and engineers.

We are an entirely different race - still human but possessing extraordinary talents and skills to match those who have, in many ways, discriminated our existence.

I never had any regrets about who I was, and with that self acceptance, I managed to preserve who I really am, and my sense of dignity.

This is for Harvey Milk, and the people who have strived so hard to let us live that way that we are right now.

This is for the people who have accepted the fact they we, just like them, have lives that we continue to live.

This is for the gay men, and women, who still believes that someday, we can have the freedom to be who we want to be.

All we need is to be united, and to remember that we are who we are.

No ifs, no buts, no pretensions.

Back to the Old Drawing Board

News spread like wild fire.

If there is one thing I love, it would be that people are actually talking about me. And as an office mate once said - good or bad, rumors are good publicity.

What I hate about rumors, though, is that they are open to interpretation. Not like facts, which should be said as it is, rumors tend to change as it passes from one ear to another.

A couple of days ago, I had to write a very short, to the point, and rather hurried letter, a letter that I have been itching to give to my manager. It was my resignation letter, in a short bond paper. To my horror, I was not even given the chance to actually type the letter down and print it. I had to go. My name was at stake.

I know not a lot of people read my blog, but I'd rather still keep mum about the real reason for the resignation. So let me just put it this way. I'd rather have a graceful exit than to actually have something against my well-preserved name.

Anyway, people started talking about me. Text messages where sent to everyone, saying that I left the company in such a startling way. What better way to start a wild fire, but to strike when it's hot and leave without a trace...

So I left the company I have been working for for more than 2 years. I have been bored, but stressed, this past months, that I have been aching to leave the company for greener pastures.

Maybe I was already at the edge of the cliff, and all I needed was a push. The person who pushed me, though, pushed too hard. Now I ain't at the spot where I intended to be. Here I am, 26 years old, gay, broke and single. I am not complaining. I actually love the fact that for this very moment, I am finally free of the shackles that I willingly wore when I started working for that company. I just felt it get tighter, and tighter. My hands need to be free.

Maybe it is the World Recession everyone is talking about. They lose a job, they blame the recession. They break a heel, they blame the recession. They put on some weight, they still blame the recession. It is just very convenient to say that everything bad happening around the world is caused by the f*cking recession. So maybe I should get into the bandwagon and blame it to the world's financial crisis. But no, I'd rather put it this way - I lost my job because sometimes, though we are given the chance to be stupid sometimes, we abuse that privilege.

I have never, and will never regret anything I have done. Not now, not ever. To the people that I have worked with for the longest time - thank you for making me a part of life.

Oh well, it's back to the old drawing board.

Acute Gastroentiritis and Coffee

And so I was sick for 2 days, and that period of time I was glad I did not have to go to work. In a way, it was a way for me to miss working. And I did, I missed working.

What I love about getting time off work is the chance to do stuff that I would not be able to do during work week. What I hate about time off due to sickness is I cannot do anything, I have no social life, and I am bed ridden.

I went to the doctor yesterday and she told me that I had Acute Gastroentiritis.

"So do you drink soda?" she asked.
"I do."
"Cut down." She advised. "How about tea?"
"Only when coffee is not available."
"I suggest you cut down on tea. And if possible do not drink coffee anymore."

I was stunned. Coffee is my life - specially since I am working in a call center and I would definitely fall asleep if I do not drink any coffee at all.

I drink coffee all the time. I can even drink 5 mugs of coffee in one sitting.

Everytime I meet someone up, I suggested meeting over cups of coffee.

I love Starbucks, got a love-hate-relationship with Seattle's Best, and thank God for 1 peso coffee from the Coffee Vendo Machine in the office.

I nodded my head and asked for medical certificate for my condition.

That was yesterday.

I still can't get over the fact that I can't drink coffee anymore. So I did. I've had 3 mugs so far.

Bad, noh?

Suffocation

The bar was packed. As much as I wanted to dance on the dance floor, the people near the entrance did not allow me to do so.

I wanted to just dance, to forget about my life even for just a couple of minutes - ease the pain from my heart and transfer that pain to some more physical, like my tired feet.

Van said she wanted to to dance, but we did got the chance to. Nick tried prying me off the chair I was sitting on, but as much as I wanted to dance with him, I did not want to push myself into the already full dance floor.

The smoke machine blew white smoke into the air, adding suffocation to the already dark and warm room. Why can't they build a bigger bar? I wonder.

I drank thirstily, beer spilling into my tight black shirt. I didn't care what I'd look like.

I just want to forget. I feel suffocated. I need air.

Ramblings: the Coffee Vendo Machine

The coin clinked as it hit the bottom of the coffee dispenser. Oh well, I guess I am the first one to have vendo coffee in this building. I was early by 3 hours just so I could attend a meeting.

Holding the vendo coffee with my two hands, I wondered what I was still doing in this company. I see the same people. I do the same thing each and everyday.

I struggled as I tried to get the last stick of cancer stick I had left from the night before. I didn't get to smoke that much. I was really sleepy and a hit from a fag would definitely wake me up.

I came to the office at 10 pm. My shift officially starts at 1 am. I punched in my employee number into the lobby pc to log in, even though the company prohibits logging in much earlier than the time we are expected to be at the office. F*ck. Why do they even bother? I won't be paid for overtime anyway.

My mom did not want me to go to Europe to work there cause she said it would be hard for me. Duh, the work I have right now sucks, doesn't even cover all the bills without burning a hole in my pocket.

I'd take Italy anytime.

My head hurts.

I wanna go home.

Valentine's Day SUCKS.

A friend once asked me what my favorite holiday is. I said Halloween.

Then the follow-up questions came.

What about Christmas?

How about Independence Day?

April Fool's?

Valentines Day?

I glared at the person who asked me if I liked Valentine's Day. I glared at him cause he was asking me this to taunt me. He knows I did not have any "special someone". Not that I care.

What's with Heart's day anyway?

It is for the chocolate magnates that advertise candy as an aphrodisiac.

It is for women who pester their boyfriends or husbands to buy them pretty little things or all hell will break lose.

It is for flower shops charging exhorbitant prices for a dozen roses.

And, come to think of it, it is for bitter, tiny individuals just like me, trying to get on with life as it is.

The hearts that hung around every mall, every office, every classroom, even every comfort room makes me nauseous. It reminds me that my heart has been torn into microscopic pieces before, and that no amount of glue or tack can really heal it like it was before - way back when I was just a child.

When people wear red to celebrate the awful day, I wear black.

When people exchange kisses, I sleep.

Call me Crazy, but I really think this Valentine b*llsh*t SUCKS. BIGTIME.

I Miss My Angel

Listening to an old song, I remember when you were mine, and I yours.

I promised you that I will always be there when you called, but I broke that promise and I never turned back. If I could only turn back time, I would come back to you, and come back to the time when you were waiting for me to tell you that I still love you, and that I was willing to let go of the fault that you were never part of.

I made you choose between me and the girl who claimed to have your child. You chose me but still I let you go. I let you go because you will never have a future with me, I would never give you children.

It is a terrible fact that I do not want to remember, but everytime I hear this song, I can still see your eyes as you silently pleaded for me to stay. I can vividly remember tears falling down my cheek as I watched your cab drive away - away from the reality that I still love you, but I had to let you go.

I will never be too far away to feel you. I won't hesitate at all, whenever you call.

I tremble inside whenever I remember the way you held my hand, the way you looked into my eyes after we kissed.

And I'll always remember, the part of you so tender, I'll be the one to catch your fall, whenever you call.

My only regret - the biggest regret I've ever had, was that I was never there to gently kiss your tears away. I never understood what you did. Why you gave everything and yet I chose never to go back to your arms.

If I was given a chance to be part of your life again, I will.

As long as I hear this song playing, I will always remember, I loved you, and you are one of the biggest parts of my life.

I will always love you my angel, my Cherubim.

Pictures Can Be Deceiving.

So I got this fabulous tan by the River at Pangasinan 2 weeks ago, and I even took a few photos just to make sure I have proof I had a tan, just in case someone noticed (or wouldn't notice) my tan.

I posted the said photo in a gay lifestyle oriented site, Guys4Men, and after just a couple of minutes after successfully posting it, a lot of guys started sending me messages, wanting to meet me.

Whoa! What just happened here? Funny thing, I have been in the site for more than 3 years, and not once in my G4M life have I received a lot of messages. Messages ranging from "Hi!"s to the endless phone numbers.


Now I truly believe in the saying "Pictures can be deceiving."



LOL.

25 Random Things about Me - from FACEBOOK!

Get to know more about me!

1. I honestly do not know what to write about myself. I keep a blog and make sure that I update it everytime, but when it comes to writing about myself, I'd rather answer questions than just write random stuff.

2. I have 3 blogs, one for the serious me (bogartbogart.blogspot.com), another blog for my gayer version (pintouche.blogspot.com), and another for my gayest(kumekemengkabuhayan.blogspot.com).

3. If Beyonce has Sasha Fierce for an alter ego, I have Beaugarte Beautious. Beaugarte is just a "frenched" name, spelled like a name in French. But it's just Bogart. Long story on that one. Beautious is m gay family name. I don't really think Beaugarte is the alter ego. I think William Charles IS the ultimate alter ego. :)

4. I like the smell of freshly, clean laundry and newly cut grass.

5. I love my name. I will never trade my name for any other.

6. The original spelling of my family name was "CENIT". American missionaries came and registered all the names of the families in Bicol in the early 1920's and when my grand father gave his family name, they spelled it incorrectly - or rather fabulously.

7. I love adobo. I cook great adobo, and I have always been interested in tasting different kinds of adobo to find out ways on how to cook it differently.

8. I designed and created my own outfit for our company's Year end Party. I love it, it is the first formal wear that I have created for myself, or for anyone.

9. I love shoes. Last year I had 4 brand new pair of different stilletos. I may be a big guy, but I thank God for big shoe sizes. :)

10. I have a long torso and short legs. Anatomically speaking, my body is not proportional. It is a good thing that some body parts compromise my leg's lack of length - wink wink*.

11.I always bring a big bag to work. What's in the bag? An umbrella, pens, my wallet, my cellphone, my cellphone's headset and a pair of false eyelashes. I bring big bags because I might stumble upon something worth bringing home - I don't need plastic bags anymore.

12. Although I love talking, I prefer to remain silent at home. When I am at home, I seldom talk, it is my way of resting my voice and just relaxing.

13. When I get angry, I often speak in English. But if I started my tirade with a Tagalog cuss (ie> P*tang*na m*), I usually end the entire paragraph in Tagalog.

14. I think that I need more time to think about 25 Random things about myself.

15. I own 2 pairs of eyeglasses with scratch resistant lens. I am probably the most clumsy person when it comes with objects. One I went out with white sneakers. When I got home that day they were already gray.

16. I walk when I am upset. It helps me clear my mind.

17. I have terribly memory. Once I was talking to guy. He noticed that I didn't recognized him. When I professed that I didn't remember him, he laughed, and said I had already slept with him. Then I remembered. LOL.

18. I love taking pictures. Of myself. I think you all have noticed that already. :)

19. Though I support PETA, I still think fur is fabulous. Bad bad me.

20. After almost a decade after the last episode of Sex and the City, I am still addicted to the series. I have watched the entire series 14 times.

21. I love Chili. Or anything spicy.

22. I once had a relationship that was based purely on physical attraction. The rest were based on mental attraction.

23. I've had a total of 9 serious relationships since I was born. All of them with men.

24. I have 2 finished novels that I want to get published within the year. But I do not know how to start.

25. I do not wear any watches. I used to be obsessive-compulsive about time, so I decided not to wear any watches. Now I learned how to relax and have fun.

Sky, Tree, and Me!

I so love this picture. Thanks Fifi and Iko!

Of Family Reunions,Obscure Towns and Fab Tans,

And so after 4 blissful days, I am back home to 7.5ish climate and fog.

I have been on a 4 day well-deserved vacation, something that I have been dreaming about after working non-stop for one hectic week.

I know I have left a few things undone when I went on vacation a couple of days, but with the new found strength and inspiration, I think I could go through everything when I get back to work tonight. To be perfectly honest, I am excited to go back to work. Weird.

So my wonderful vacation started a on Friday, when we travelled to Mabini, Pangasinan, an obscure little town that did not have internet access and where everyone thinks having fun involved a case of Red Horse and a videoke Machine.

Drinking Red Horse with Good Friends while listening to someone singing at the Villa BRaganza Square

My weekend even involved gate crashing a family reunion. Well, it's not really gate crashing, since I was with Piper's family, and no one really knew who I was and why I was with them on their Family Reunion. But there was brandy and Roasted pig. That I will never resist.

And so we pretended I was a long lost cousin. I even won a lousy but crisp brand new one dollar bill for playing Hep Hep Hooray with some "cousins".

After that afternoon, it was back to drinking Red Horse at the local Videoke Bar/Tourist Spot, Villa Braganza Square, which was literally a small garage with a small stage and a dozen tables for those who want to spend the entire night getting drunk and rowdy.

We got home at around 5 am, but didn't get enough sleep because we had to travel by jeepney to the beach. I was excited, I wanted to get a fab tan.

And a fab tan, I got. The beach was so beautiful. Just last year we went to this pristine beach hours away from civilization, and last Sunday I saw another beautiful beach. I think I'll put "beach hopping" to the list of my favorite things to do. No, make that "visit far beaches and pretend I was in the Bahamas." Teehee.

So see, my weekend was full of unexpected surprises. I was even surprised to find out that there was a small river near the house we were staying at. I went for a short swim there as well.

Swimming at the nearby River.

Can't wait to go back there. It was a wonderful weekend.

Over and Over Again.

An old saying goes "Patience is Virtue."

I haven't been patient, and when I touched your lips I began to wonder if what I was doing was right.

"Is this right?" I asked, full of expectations.

"Yes," you said.

I faltered, knowing that what you said was right.

You said it was ok, that it wasn't right but what we felt was not wrong. So I continued kissing you until I realized I was passionately in love with you.

The air was cold, and your were shivering. I hugged you tightly in my arms and felt your warmth. I kissed your back.

"If we do this," I asked, "Will I ever see you again?"

"Yes," you answered.

With that promise we started exploring our depthless emotions. With moans of pleasure and passion we entered paradise.

A couple of years back I promised myself never to fall in love with someone that easily. But I faltered. I failed drastically. I succumbed to my loneliness and fell, like a child from a tall tree.

And now I am falling... falling.

I know sooner or later I would feel the ground. I would feel the hurt and the pain. I will die - as I have died before.

Over and over again.

Over and over again.

Over... and over again.

When You Wish Upon a Star

"Starlight, Starbright,

first star I see tonight,

Wish I may, Wish I might,

Have the wish, I wish tonight."

I have this thing about seeing the first star on a dark, cloudless, and sometimes moonless nights. Neither the fact that it may be planet, or that there are other indetectable stars out there hinder me from whispering the words I have written above.

Last night, when I had the chance to actually look at the night sky, I saw a twinkling light, a star, and involuntarily, I uttered that words that I have been uttering since I was in grade school.

Then I made my wish.

It was more of a question actually.

"Will I...?"

The year didn't really start out as I hoped it would, but hey, I have great hope that this year would be a good year for me.

I know wishing something won't do anything. "Nasa Diyos ang awa, nasa tao ang gawa." (God helps those who help themselves.) I know wishing on a star won't do anything not unless I do something about it.

Here's to 2009, and to the people who believe that sometimes, wishing on a star isn't really a bad thing. It just shows us that despite everything, a small, twinkling light can bring hope to everyone- kids from 1, to 92.

Happy New Year to all.